my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
it hurts more in the daytime
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
