Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
