The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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