My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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