oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
