I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You took a bar mat shot.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
