dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
