new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
