When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
