TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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