I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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