once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
