so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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