Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
