I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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