I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
