She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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