I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
