Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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