May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
