i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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