She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
