everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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