I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
