If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
