I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just want nice things and good sex
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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