My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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