I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Actions speak louder than pants.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
