Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
