Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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