So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
