Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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