did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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