I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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