What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
