Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
