mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This baby is an asshole
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
