your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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