he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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