Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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