I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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