i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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