Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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