she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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