Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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