I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
