i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
