I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
