i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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