Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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