well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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