Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
