We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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