Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
