Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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